Saturday, February 7, 2009

State of Mind


The events of the past several weeks has put me face-to-face with the shortcomings of others, maybe those of my own, to place me in a mental glen. Weaknesses in others can be depressing at a time when you expect courage and leadership. The village mayor, my host father, is the timid, unsure person he has always been, the President of the Women’s Committee is the arrogant, domineering person she has always been, and the Peace Corps staff remain without the ability to be anything but employees. I am still I. Then why do I feel the way I do? People haven’t changed; I haven’t changed. Maybe what has changed is my own expectation of others and myself to be more than we actually are.

From some of my past blog entries, you may have sensed the importance I place on expectations. My own expectations are what I expect reality to be. I base my life on these perceptions. When what actually happens doesn’t turn out to be what I expected, I can either blame others for disappointing or myself for not really knowing much at all, for being fallible.

My relationships with some are strained, never to be the same again. With others new relationships are emerging and with them new expectations of what the next six months have to offer.


Anonymous said...

YOU cannot change others, ONLY YOURSELF!

Anonymous said...

ah wise awaken to the universal truth of dropping expectations and embrace the present, for it holds more than one could ever imagine.

Anonymous said...

Lucky indeed is the person who is loved by those with compassion. Hard indeed is the lot of those loved by rigid boundaries,quick judgments, and a small sense of humanity.
All of us are fighting a personal battle, all of us have been scarred, and all of us are riddled with contradictions and inconsistent behavior. To be human is to be flawed. Compassion is the state of being in touch with the bright,beautiful, and flawed nature of humanity.
Compassionate people are able to see the gold beneath the metal. They are able to see the effort beneath the occasional failure. They are able to see the intention beneath the mistake.
We have all made mistakes, experienced pain and learned to heal. Where would we be--when the wounds are fresh--without the compassion of others?

Teri said...

I see another perspective. What if nobody is to blame? Realizing that we typically have less control over many situations (especially those involving other people) then we'd like to believe, the letting go of expectations of others can often be freeing.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your trust/untrust in others. Yes, it happens in Samoa and in all other countries as well, but these paradise islands in the Pacfic with their allure were made known by the outsiders but not the people who live there everyday. They have their problems just it is here in the US.